Unlearning Perfect: Why Perfectionism Isn't Your Problem—It's a Trap.

If you're anything like me, you're pursuing a life that is meaningful and true to you. You can picture how you want it to look, feel, and taste, but the pressure for a flawless, polished end product—especially like what we see curated on social media—is a lie.

This relentless comparison forces you to live in a state of perpetual future-tension, constantly comparing your messy, uncertain middle to someone else's polished, seemingly effortless end.

The pressure for a flawless, polished end product—be it a perfect appearance, a pristine project, a Gomez and Morticia relationship, or whatever unblemished outcome it is you seek—forces you to live in a state of perpetual future-tension.

When the focus is solely on the destination, you miss the messy, non-linear middle. Yet, the process itself—the ugly beginnings, the flawed drafts, the do-overs, the daily, unplanned life—is the only place where true existence and meaningful growth happen.

Let’s be clear: The demand for perfection is an insidious byproduct of white supremacy culture, and it’s time to consciously reject it.

1. The Conformity Myth: The Historical Roots of Rigid Control

The modern, shame-driven pursuit of absolute uniformity (the "professional" look, the perfectly structured email, the unassailable behavior) didn't arise naturally. This hyper-vigilance traces back to cultural standards that prize rigid control, linear order, and Western ideals of virtue and conformity—hallmarks of colonial and white-supremacist thinking.

The Reality Check: Perfectionism demands uniformity—a single, prescribed way of speaking, looking, and behaving—and leaves no room for the beautiful, messy complexity of human life, cultural differences, or the natural world. It replaces genuine connection with a fear of being "exposed" or "unpolished."

When you "fail" this impossible standard, the shame you feel isn't personal; it's the sting of failing a rigid, culturally imposed benchmark designed for exclusion and conformity. This stress response—the chronic feeling of being "not good enough"—is a deep drain on your energy and fulfillment.

The Solution: Fulfillment is not a linear, perfect process. It's cyclical, adaptive, and messy. We must swap the anxiety of control for the quiet power of resilience and context.

2. Micro-Practices for Letting Go of Control

Releasing the demand for perfection isn't a grand, dramatic act; it's a series of small, intentional shifts away from control and toward self-compassion.

Here are micro-ways you can start decolonizing your expectations today:

1. Embrace the 80/20 Rule of Energy

• The Micro-Shift: Stop stressing over low-impact, high-guilt decisions (e.g., formatting an email perfectly, managing social media appearances). Instead, focus your energy on the 20% of actions that have the highest impact on your energy and fulfillment: connecting with people you love, engaging in meaningful work, and consistent rest.

• The Question: Is this stress supporting my growth, or is it serving a rigid ideal of performance?

  
  

2, Prioritize the "Good Enough" Action

• The Micro-Shift: Reject the notion that effective results require complicated protocols, elaborate planning, or time-consuming execution. Don't wait until you have the perfect plan, the perfect materials, or the perfect amount of time.

• The Practice: When you need to act, choose the simplest, most accessible path available: send the draft email, start the project messy, or take the imperfect first step. Consistent, accessible action is more powerful than complex, inconsistent performance.

  
  

3. Challenge the "Earned" Rest Mentality

• The Micro-Shift: White supremacy culture teaches us that rest is a reward you must earn through productivity. This is false. Rest is a prerequisite for resilience.

• The Practice: Take a De-Colonial Rest—a 10-minute pause in the middle of the day where you sit still, close your eyes, and allow yourself to simply be, without any expectation of optimizing the time or earning the break.

4. Release the "Urgency" of the Timeline

• The Micro-Shift: You have an idea of how long something should take, but the pressure for accelerated results (another hallmark of white supremacy culture) still burns. Instead of fighting the pressure, gently acknowledge it.

• The Practice: When you feel the need to rush because something is taking too long, physically slow down the most immediate task (type slower, stir slower, breathe slower). Then, reframe your internal mantra from "I must finish this now" to "I am exactly where I need to be, and it takes as long as it takes." This validates the depth of your process over the speed of your output.

  
  

By choosing progress over end results, you are not just living fully—you are participating in a larger, crucial act of self-liberation and a direct rejection of systems that profit from your shame.

I apply this exact philosophy to my work helping home herbalists. If you are ready to dismantle perfectionism and build a resilient, non-judgemental approach that actually supports your life—whether that means a personal project or a deep plant practice—I invite you to come learn with me!

My programs are built on the belief that progress—not perfection—is the only sustainable way forward. I teach the skills to move from rigid rules to adaptive, joyful alignment.

The waitlist for the 2026 Seasonal Herbal Intensive is opening soon! This will be the only way to get early access and the best pricing.

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Thank you for reclaiming your power so we can build a stronger community <3

-Jovie